I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
