Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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