guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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