I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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