maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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