I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
