Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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