Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
