alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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