Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
