We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
