i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
