The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
