I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
