My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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