it wasn't lemon gatorade
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
