apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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