tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
