3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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