I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
