He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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