They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
