So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
