If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize