I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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