FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
