New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
