this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
