They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
