im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
