i think my tv is drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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