I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
