you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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