I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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