I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
