I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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