I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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