She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
