The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
