We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
