I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
