The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize