I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
