That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need a hoe opinion
go on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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