I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
vagina is talking i cant
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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