Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
