Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
