Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had to cum in my sink.
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