I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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