a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
