you're like a bully in the Christmas story
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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