this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
