dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
