New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
