What tipped you off? The sombrero?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Found your dick twin last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize