i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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