and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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