Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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