its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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