i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
