She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
