He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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