Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
